i think my tv is drunk
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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