shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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