I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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