you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
