did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
