I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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