I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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