the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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