the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I smell stomach acid.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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