How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
