Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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