he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
