Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
