he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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