I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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