There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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