There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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