Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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