Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize