just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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