OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize