Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
