Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
