Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
