did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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