I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
