y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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