i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
