Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
