yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize