Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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