Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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