if i can run in heels then i can drive
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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