Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
