Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Still dying that you shit outside
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
