I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
