Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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