He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
