so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
