i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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