Your mouth is God's brothel.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
