I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
