I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
