Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
