either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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