he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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