and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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