I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
