Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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