I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
