I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
