Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize