I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
