Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
