community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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