she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My ass is underappreciated
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
