I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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