the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
