mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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