i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
