I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
