walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
