im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
