oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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