does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
