I didn't shave. On purpose
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize