I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
