i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
