I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
